Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Dear Couple Struggling to Conceive

Do you like my posts? Make sure you like me on Facebook so you can see more posts like this one! 
Image result for official facebook icon

Dear couple struggling to conceive,
    If you are just starting to try to get pregnant, than this is probably a super exciting time for you. But for those of you who have been trying to conceive for months now, you might be starting to feel discouraged. I want you to know, I know how hard it might be for you right now. 
    When my husband and I started "trying" we decided we were going to stop preventing pregnancy and we were just going to let God take control. The thing is after months went by of negative pregnancy tests and my menstrual cycle starting... it was hard not to get depressed and worried. We started to talk about whether or not there was something wrong, or if we could even get pregnant. We tried to be okay about the fact that we might not be able to get pregnant, after all we do plan to adopt in a few years. But we really weren't feeling okay. 
    We started off officially not "trying," but after a few months went by of negative pregnancy tests... we ended up trying too hard. We were tracking my ovulation schedule, I bought special lubricant that wouldn't kill semen, and I avoided anything that I could ingest that would hurt a baby (alcohol, caffeine, ibuprofen...). Eventually we were working so hard to get pregnant that we no longer enjoyed our intimacy together.
    Finally I decided to just hand it over to the Lord. We surrendered it, prayed about it and let go. Later that month, I found out I was pregnant! 
    There are many things I would tell myself, if I could go back in time to those months we were trying to conceive. I would say to my past self: 

  • Talk to people you trust. I do wish we had not been silent about our struggle to get pregnant. We at first were silent because we wanted to surprise our friends and family, later we were silent because we were embarrassed. But if we had talked to our friends we could have found out that several of them were also trying to get pregnant and were having similar problems. If we had talked about it maybe we wouldn't have felt so alone. If we had found out we couldn't conceive at least we would have friends/family to talk to about it who could support and encourage us.
  • Stop trying and trust. I know it may seem easy for me to say this since I'm past this moment in time, but it isn't. It's never really easy to surrender things to the Lord. But we really need to trust God's master plan. I know for us, Baby P. couldn't have been born at a more perfect time! I had just finished teaching for the semester, and turned in grades when I went into labor. Baby P's arrival couldn't have been planned more perfectly, and that is because God was in charge. Scripture says "Your eyes saw my unformed body, all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139:16). God knows the perfect time your child should be born, whether you conceive that child or someone else does and you adopt that child. God has a bigger plan than we could ever understand. 
  • Know you are not alone. Several people I know had problems conceiving at first. For many of our friends/family members, it took them anywhere from 6 months to 2 years to conceive. After doing a lot of research, I found it often can take some time because there are a lot of things in a woman's body that have to coincide at the exact moment in order for a woman to conceive (see this article for the best time to get pregnant based on your ovulation cycle). Also, if you were on birth control prior, it can sometimes effect your cycle.
    I'm hoping that my experience will help you who are trying to conceive and comfort you in some way of knowing that you are not alone! 


  1. Hi Ashley,
    thanks for sharing your blog post about this topic which is definitely near and dear to my heart as well. I think there are so many people that struggle with this and other fertility issues that it should not be such a hush hush topic. I agree that the support of those nearest to you is needed so much, knowing they are praying for you is immense. Our little story is still ongoing as well, I hope you don't mind if I share it with you:
    After we had been married a year (2008) we decided that we too wanted to stop preventing and just allow for me to get pregnant if it happened. I knew going into that I had my own physical health conditions that could cause problems, but didn't know the extent of it in the whole fertility world. I was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome) when I was in college, but had been suffering from it since I was about 12 or 13. I could go anywhere from a few months to over a yr without getting a period. Anyways, it took us about 2 yrs before I got pregnant the first time without actively trying (the whole tacking ovulation thing was almost impossible for me). I did have to take some medication and do diet changes to help with the PCOS and hormone imbalances that allowed my periods to start coming back more frequently. I found out in 2011 that I was pregnant, but after seeing the baby on the ultrasound with a low HR a week later they did another ultrasound and there was no longer a heart beat. We were devastated and I had to have a D&C done to remove everything. For the next following yr I started taking ovulation tests everyday to try and track it. I only got 2 positive tests during that yr and the second time I got pregnant almost exactly a yr after that first miscarriage. Our sweet little AB was born that December 2012 at 34 weeks. At the beginning of 2014 we decided we wanted to start allowing me to get pregnant if possible, not knowing how things would go. Since then we have unfortunately had 3 more miscarriages (the last 2 this past April and December) and are now in a state of just not knowing what to do. We know that we do have to keep trusting God for his guidance and allow him to physically, mentally and spiritually carry us through everyday. We have been given the option to have further genetic testing done, but of course it is not covered by insurance and would cost money we just don't have. We don't have the problem of being infertile anymore, just the problem of staying pregnant! So we are trying to decide what to do as we move forward. We could keep trying, but I worry about what's fair, what's selfish, what's right in our situation. Now we will be getting ready to move again at the end of this summer for my husbands job changing, and feel like I have to put things on hold again. As more and more friends keep announcing their new pregnancies, many second time and third times around I wonder if I ever will have that chance again. We are so thankful for what we have and never want to take that for granted. We too are hoping to adopt in the future as well and are excited to see what God's ultimate plane for our family is. Thanks for sharing and for letting me share this back :o)
    I hope all of us ladies out there can just be so supportive and caring for each other, knowing that they are definitely not alone if they are struggling with this!

    1. Sarah, Thank you so much for sharing your story! I know your story will help to show other couples that they are not alone in their struggle. I will definitely keep you and your husband in my prayers! You might have already seen this, but I have another post that has a list of scriptures for conception and pregnancy if you wanted to check that out: http://picturesquefamiliarity.blogspot.com/2013/04/pregnancy-scriptures.html

  2. Hi Ashley,

    I found your blog through Google plus and enjoyed reading your posts regarding getting pregnant. I'd like to offer you a partnership opportunity but couldn't find your contact information. Do you mind contact me or let me know your email address for more details?

    1. Hi Fis! Thanks so much for your comment and I'm happy to hear you've been enjoying my articles on pregnancy. You can contact me via my blog's email address at picturesquefamiliarity@gmail.com.


Thank you for commenting! Check out my other posts to see posts similar to this one!